I’ve been a mom on the edge lately. Between my kids and the new overly energetic puppy I’ve been so distracted… “Mom… Mom… Mommy.. Momma… MOOOOOM!!!” Let me preface this by saying that my children are the greatest gift and I am so very blessed. It’s me that’s the problem. I’ve been a bit lost and empty and have that constant feeling of needing a refill lately. The thing is I’ve been so in the thick of the chaos, that I been lacking perspective and have felt like I’m on a downward spiral. And although it may seem like the sole cause of my despair is my children’s selective hearing or their paternal genetic predisposition to be slobs (haha), the convicting fact is that it’s ME. There’s a passage by Charles Swindoll about the importance of our attitude towards situations. The passage has impacted me so profoundly that I’ve kept it tucked within me. There have been times when I’ve shared it at the end of my yoga classes as students start to stir from savasana. I’ll paraphrase it to my kids when they feel out of sorts, “You know pumpkin doodle, we can’t always control what happens to us, good or bad, but we can control what we do afterwards.” And that’s my problem. I’m blaming my emptiness or my frustrations or my misgivings on my situation. And then I become defeated, instead of owning up to what is happening and taking charge by reacting to it in a way that brings forth the fruit I’m begging to see blossom.

So I did what I needed to do and told my mom exactly what was going on and that I needed her. Well, I’m not sure how direct I was in my asking, but she sensed it nonetheless and jumped in to help me. You see, I have a very, very, VERY hard time asking for help. Part of it is because I just jump into it and go go go and if I stop for help I might begin spinning in the wrong direction. Another part is because I think I can do it best or it would simply be easier if I did it myself. Oh, the downfall in that mindset. And another reason still is because I don’t want to burden other people, especially those close to me. I worry about my mom and want to protect and take care of her BUT, the thing is I’m her daughter and I need her so much. A wise woman once told me that you actually stifle people from being able to rise to their full potential when you don’t allow them to help you. Not always, of course, but more often than not. And I think I had been stifling my mom by not telling her the truth of how much I’ve been struggling emotionally and psychologically, and by not asking for her help!! We all need help!! I NEED HELP! And it’s ok to admit it! It’s ok to ask for it!

So my sweet, amazing momma came over and we had tea and I onloaded on her the storm that was in my head and my heart, while my little ones interrupted us every second or two. But, I had support, love, understanding, and acknowledgement. Such a sweet, therapeutic mix. She stayed with my little ones so I could go get my oldest from school by myself, which I know you understand is an enormous blessing in itself. I came home to a heartwarming scene of my mom and daughter folding laundry together. I was able to breathe again and get a joyous moment of nostalgia from my childhood. Most days the nostalgia I have for my childhood brings me to this longing place full of sobbing, but this moment was different… there was hope. Hope that I was in the thick of it and just couldn’t see the amazing work that was constantly going on around and within me. Within my children and my home and my family. But the help and support from my mom had gotten me out of the forest and I could momentarily see the trees… the hope… the joy. Oh momma, you sure know best and I love you to the moon and back! And if your mom is anything like mine, you’ll suddenly have a clean microwave ;)

Happy Birthday sweet Nana! Wow you would have been the coolest 103-year-old. You are forever loved and missed.

-Tara xo

Gnarly Things to Check Out

ATTITUDE by Charles Swindoll

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company... a church... a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes”